4.22.2012

Mouse In Boot

I wish I could tell you the story I am about to tell you is not as bad as the title suggests. But I really can't. I really, really, just sadly absolutely cannot. It is horrible. It is true. It will give you nightmares, it will make you forget what it is to want to eat food. It will very easily convince you that staying in a little clean bathroom, without windows is a good idea, because it is horrible.

Now that was, of course, a bit of an exaggeration, simply because I live in a city and I am not used to mice. So yes, to me it is horrible, this story I am about to tell you, but of course you may think, "Ha! The wimp!" And well, it's okay I'm expecting it.

It was a windy day. Actually, no I have no recollection of the weather because this was what? Three months ago? Okay, so I have no idea what the weather was... But you know, sometimes it is just nice to add in those little details so as to create a setting and then oh I don't know, intensify the suspense.

OOOO the wind howled in my ears. The sky was dark, the sun had set, the stars were no where to be seen.

Okay, I'll stop.

I was in a garage. I know that isn't as scary as being in the middle of a dark forest, the moon lost amist the sky, but it's the truth so I gotta stick to it.

A garage. And on a trailer-like thingamagigy. I was trying on skiing boots because I was going to go - take a guess. Good. Now, I didn't have my own skiis with me because I was in Vermont and I usually go skiing in Massachussets, so I was trying on someone else's skis that I was going to borrow. I placed my foot inside the boot. I tried to force my foot in but there seemed to be something at the bottom.

No biggy.
Probably just a piece of paper, or a rock, or something...

I reached down into the boot.
I pulled something up.

It was really grey, and rough, and looked like one of those things you clean dishes with that are metalic and hairy looking? (Does anyone have any idea what I'm talking about?) Steel Wool.

The moment was quick. I looked at my friends uncle with a look of pure disgust. What the heck is this?   By the look of his face I should not have asked. But I did anyway. Of course I did.

I threw it to the ground.

"What was that?" I asked.

He said, "You don't want to know..."

"Was that a mouse?"

I didn't need to see him nod to know that it was a mouse.
Are you screaming yet?
Let me reiterate... I PULLED OUT OF MY BOOT A MOUSE. A MOUSE. A DEAD MOUSE. I DEAD MOUSE SO DEAD THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING YOU USE TO CLEAN DISHES. Before I threw it to the ground... I saw it's face. I SAW IT'S FACE.

Well, that's all I have to share for today. I'd appreciate you trying to top my mouse experience...

4.15.2012

Invisible Neighbor Takes New Action

Please pardon if my writing seems to be proper I am in the middle of reading Pride and Prejudice and must confess I am being transformed into an aristocrat.

Oh what a pity it is to find alas my life of war to be over! The time has come for me to cease the endless undeclared war between me and my neighbor! For my neighbor has, quite unfortunately, made a peace offering. To what of which that is I shall explain, if only you will listen. And do not forget the past acts of war that were taken against me in the past, observe here and here.

I was walking, jolly, with prudent intentions, to dispose of my garbage as fast as possible when a sudden realization disturbed my countenance. The toilet was in my house and I earnestly required it. I dropped the garbage can and sprinted to my residence, passing dear sister on the way in.

        "Cassidy, dearest I must occupy the washroom!"

        "Right away, dear!" She responded with intent concern.

When I was ready I headed back out the door, walking with the intention of finishing the job I started. But as I looked ahead of me to the spot of which I let rest my can of garbage, I found only an empty space. I stopped.

Alas! I was frightened! Did someone steal my dear garbage can? 

I hurried to open the garbage room door with fear of it being too late. The door handle was quite dirty I must say, this is courage I display.

Inside the garbage room sat a perfectly luxurious garbage can completely intact. It was mine and I was saved!

But here comes the part of which there is fear. Fear only because it is so strange. So very strange, however benevolent, I was frightened.

As I looked inside the garbage can I observed ever single peace of garbage to be missing. And as I looked inside of the recycling bins it was there my garbage lay. I stood there with my eyes wide for minutes.

What ever could this mean? 

My neighbor disposed of my garbage during my swift absence. That was all it could mean. And after what feels like years of war between this invisible neighbor, I realized it was all over. However fun the experience was, it is and will always be over.  And for that I will be ever grateful. This was a noble deed of my neighbor, of whose identity I still do not know, but I thank him or her dearly in my heart.

The war is over, my friends.
The struggle has passed.
There may be peace.
Glory be to the name of I
and to Neighbor.

Till we meet again.
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