The Barbie Phone

I'm not actually too fond of the color pink. My sister was always the pinky piglet, and I, the blue bugger. But when I lost my last phone and saw the pink phone on the screen I was immediately attached to it. I imagined how funny it would be to pull out a phone, a completely covered in pink fake blackberry, and act like it was perfectly normal. To me the phone was a barbie phone, that worked. It would be like owning a barbie computer that worked. Or a barbie home telephone that worked.


Whether I wanted to amaze babies when they put the "barbie phone" to their ears and hear a real person's voice on the other side, or I just wanted to have something to laugh at multiple times during the day, I can't say... But I bought it.

CH!no..Imego!Or..gu?GMtr?

The Egg

So there I was, sitting on the couch, you know staring at the wall. Don't we all do that? I guess not. Well that's what we people do with no televisions. Stare at walls. Anyways, I was feeling very groggy, so I got up really fast and started walking around the house. Of course then, well, I fainted hahaha. No no! LIES! I tell you lies! I did not faint. But has it ever happened to you when you get up really suddenly and then kind of feel like collapsing would be the best thing to do at the moment? Ha, well yet again I feel as though few people will agree with me that it is normal, just as few people will agree with my friend that earth worms or cute, or that stealing a fork from a restaurant marks a person as extremely rebellious. No, that just makes me giggle. Yet, I fear I may never again be able to look at an earth worm the same again. Anyways--  I was lying on the ground thinking that the ceiling was very strange when I felt a lump under me, I got up and looked down and saw utter stick lip gloss. I put it on, and pop!

POP!

Lily the obese monkey sumo wrestler was born! I jumped up and started running around and had new energy like never before! So everyone, if you ever feel groggy or tired, light headed or sick, grab an utter stick lip balm and get kicking. Then of course cook up an egg and eat it too. Hard boiled. Yum, yes alright is that what I hear? My egg is ready? "Ohhhh eeeggggg?? Are you there??" "Yep, ready and yummy!" "Coming darling!!"

And this marks the end of my thoughts on Saturday night 8:46 PM
Tata for now children!

GMOs and Vegetable Juices

Do not eat anything. That is my advice. If you have seen Food Inc, you may very well agree. Everyone is evil. Live in a shack, with some geese, a chicken, and a hatchet. But whatever you do, do not go to the super market, and live in modern day, because the evil people will get you! In case you haven't seen Food Inc, I highly recommend it, for many reasons:

1. I want more people to realize how hard it is to look at a nice chicken wing and feel guilty eating it and 2. You really deserve to know.

Now of course you wonder... Deserve to know what? To which I reply... I think it's time for you to see the movie...... Then you will know! If you don't watch it you will never ever ever know what I am talking about and won't that just drive you mad?

If you have seen Food Inc, welcome to the club, I hope you feel the same way I do.

I hope you own a juicer. I hope you buy organic veggies. I hope you go to Shake Shack instead of McDonalds, and Trader Joe's instead of WalMart. I hope you eat at home and over all, I hope you realize that the world is full of people that want to poison you! Oh, but I don't wish to scare you. Oh not at all, just I have some advice. Simple. Simple advise. Easy if you think about it.  I would advise you to pack up your bags, buy a goat for company, and set off to the woods, where you know your food hasn't been put through many chemicals to make it last, and where you know "natural" means natural. But then again, that's much easier said than done. Because I told myself that would make the most sense when I saw Food Inc in April. And woopdedoo, still in a city. Still in an apartment, still BLOGGING. I mean, COME ON! People who own goats don't BLOG. They own goats. They feed their goats. They eat GOAT cheese.

Alright, back to History homework...

Oh... Camera

So, I just realized. My family doesn't have a functioning camera... And in order for me to make this blog as cool as it can possibly be, (by doing super spy missions, dressing up like people, going on adventures) my family really needs a camera! Okay, so technically we have a camera... But it just shouldn't count. And I'm being honest here papa and mum. The thing has a battery last of literally five minutes. It is just OLD. And it's funny because my mom keeps saying it's because me and my sister took too many pictures of ourselves. And I'm just thinking... W-What? Mom, you think our faces scare the camera enough to make it want to run out of battery? I mean, maybe it makes sense that the more clicks, the older it gets, the more prone it is to dying as a camera. But really, way to help our self esteems. hahaha, I'm just kidding. The other thing is our camera is just a basic point and shoot, and we've all decided it's time to get our hands on a real nice camera. And these are important years in our lives! We need to document them so that later on I have something to look back on!

This was the reason I got AdSense in the first place, so I could make a few bucks off this thing and get a camera! If you don't know what AdSense is, it's where you can sell advertisements on your blog and get some money.

On the Terms of Use it made me click a box that said, "I will not click my own advertisements!" So, naturally, I didn't, because that would be lying against some legally thing, and I really didn't want my account to be disabled. Over the course of 3 weeks I made 90 bucks and I was so excited.

But then the other day I got a message saying, "Dear Google User, because of suspicious clicking activity your account has been disabled and the money will be returned to the advertisers."

You should have seen my face when I got that email.
It was like a walrus.
A, WALRUS.
I couldn't contain my laughter, and how ridiculous it was. Like, everyday I would look back and say, ooo looky looky I made 10 bucks today! YAY ME!!!!!!!!! And now, I wasn't getting any of the money, and I really wasn't going to get a camera.

So, how did the suspicious activity come to exsistence? Basically, I think when I told my friends about my blog and advertising, they saw it as a perfect opportunity for me to buy them ice cream with the extra money. I can picture them going home, on to my blog, being the suspicious clicking activity, and thinking, "Oh yea! When Lily says, "Wow how did I get all this money?" I will say, BECAUSE I CLICKED THE BUTTONS! Then add in an, I love ice cream! Look at that ice cream store!" wink wink. I can also see my mom possibly clicking the advertisements...

In the end of the day, well, I think it's too bad. Maybe next time I can block my friends' computers, or something... But as for now it looks like I'm really not going to get a camera for me or my family.

So, if you are reading this dear AdSense, (which I actually REALLY doubt you are and if you were I probably would have made it seem a little less like it was my fault...) Please, Please give me one more chance! Not for me. But for the baby camera, that cute widdle baby camera just waiting and waiting to be mine. I promise in the future I will forbid my friends and family from touching those advertisements if I get another chance, you know how? By telling them they aren't getting no ice cream out of my pocket. No but seriously. I want camera. I want want want camera. So bad that I am forgetting English.. Oh yes, I want A camera. BABOOMMM!!!!!!!!

Hey, sorry this story isn't done. SO DON'T. LEAVE.

I also made an account on QuiBids, (a stupid penny auction) to try to get my camera off there. The penny auction worked like any other penny auction, except it had robots. Illegal robots man! And I'm being completely serious. Humans do not go on there, they are robots. I actually think that QuiBids is doing something illegal, and has robots bidding constantly so that the real humans lose all their money. I know you may be thinking, "WOW Lily. Way to be a sore loser." But I'm not kidding. And it is really easy to have robots, or possibly people that work in the company win these deals. I have multiple suspicious things going on...

1. I was about to win an ELECTRIC scooter on the site and then my computer, (which was NOT out of battery) all of a sudden SHUT DOWN, and then I lost the bid. IS THAT NOT SUSPICIOUS?
2. I got suspicious that there were robots on the site, because there was one person that just kept winning and winning and winning, so I did some research and found a LOT of robot complaints. A LOT.

Words of advice:

One, do not let your friends click ads on your site, unless you want to be led into thinking you will get all this money and then it is ALL taken away from you.

And two, do not go on QuiBids, ever, it's a robot hangout.

Then three of course, don't take too many pictures of yourself on your camera, because it will eventually get so sick of you and scared, that it will lose all its battery and die.

If you could have ANYTHING right now...

I keep asking myself this question, "If you can have ANYTHING right now, what would it be?" I of course, need to reply in a very detailed manner, and it's really interesting to actually think about it. Instead of just giving a quick answer like, NO HOMEWORK or ICE CREAM, to actually think and say... Well, at this moment, this exact moment, I would really, really, like this, this, and this.

So now it is my turn to answer. And when I'm done it's your turn.

Right now... What I really would like is... I really want a little puppy in my living room... And, it would make me really happy if the sand man would come in my window and turn on the AC for me so my eyeballs don't melt. It. Is. So. Hot. In. Here. Oh. My. God. But let's get more realistic. I really want... to receive an email from the Board of Ed saying that tomorrow school is completely cancelled. That the weather is too extreme to let us travel to school. YES, a storm. A tornado. Okay, I know what you are thinking, WHAT THE HECK WHY DO YOU WANT A TORNADO. But I do, I want something crazy to happen, and no one to get hurt, but a lot of things to get blown around and destroyed! And then, then what I want is another black out.

But in terms of what I want at this exact MOMENT...

All I want is to get off the computer, drink some water, and be able to go to bed. But I can't. Cause I gotstadododo all this work!!!

alright guys, have a good night. And remember, you can have anything you want if you just close your eyes and give it to yourself. haaaaaaaaa. don't forget to comment on what you really want right now!

Oh my god that poor snail melted

Well hello there everyone.
This is just a picture of a snail that resembles how I am feeling right now:
OH SO VERY STRESSED!
and therefore deprived the time to write a beautiful post for you to read.
And so,
without further adieur
before you lies the beauty of many stressed out animals.
Animals that both resemble me phisically at this moment in time, and mentally.

See but one day, one beautiful day, my school work will be oh so very completed, to which I, Lily, will jump in the air and scream, KAWABUNGA MEEEE JOLLY RANCHERRR PIEEEE!!!!!!!

I hope you all hear it from how ever many miles away you are!

Right NOW I amlike this CAT.

                                                          I am starting to... you know, LOOSE MY MIND.

This cat is starting to look like me...

And the more I look at this picture the more unsure I am as to what the heck it is. 

THE END. 

Baby Musicians... lkhsagblk

I am actually scared.
Watch the whole thing.
I mean, I am actually speechless so... So yes.
It says a lot if I am speechless.
....
.
.
..
...
.
I am actually so scared right now...
That was so scary.
IS ANYONE ELSE SCARED OH MY GOD.
hoooow?
how?
how...
ps. I saw this on Tara's blog!  ... so amazing...

Can I have a pig?

ELePHANTAY!

do you know any elephants that can spit out pieces of a map of India? I didn't THINK SO! Meet my friend, bob.
I might be using the name bob too much. BUT BOB IS SUCH AN AWESOME NAME!

Anyways, this elephantAY is on my wall! an improvement on the coolness of my roomio ;)

>:{E)
evil bunny with a mustache and buck teeth.

Fake nose

I'm only 13, too young to do many things. Such as go on the work out machines in the health club, too young to go in the sauna, steam room, too old to go to the movies as a $9 kid. But as you probably know, most of these restrictions are easy to slide through. I go in the sauna almost every time I go swimming, I love the steam room too. The movie issue is easily solved by a little girl hair do, and a puppy dog face. And yesterday when I was faced with an issue of free kayaking the problem was easy to face. I just messed up a little bit. See I should never have told them my age. You need to be 16 and of course, I am not 16. I assumed you needed to be older then 13, so I informed them I was 14.

STUPID MISTAKE.

If I go back today and tell them I am 16, which would be believable considering my height, I won't convince them. My face will be recognised.

And it's not like I was some forgettable person coming along to ask for kayaking. I was soaking wet. With two other friends, and didn't really want to let it slide that I was too young. I can't say I argued, but I definitely tried to negotiate.

STUPID MISTAKE.

So a new nose will solve all my problems.

If I have a fake nose I won't be recognised, and can easily kayak joyfully. So if you happen to find your self in contact with a fake nose. TELL ME. I've searched, but am not being very lucky. If you know anything. Please tell me. Thanks. ;)

THE WALNUT

I'm allergic to Walnuts. Really, horribly allergic. Like it's not even funny. Give me a walnut and I will die in your lap unless you rush me to a hospital. Now I hope there is not someone out there that wants me dead, because I just gave them an easy way to dispose of me... ANYWAYS. What I am about to tell you is very cool. The walnut looks like a little brain with a skull around it right? They look like they have a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebelums. Even the wrinkles or folds are on the nut just like the neo-cortex. And do you know? Walnuts help your brain develop. But don't think I'm less brainy because I can't eat walnuts. The reason I was given the inability of digesting walnuts is because if I had any more wit, I might just explode. ;)

Just your average Monday

Not caring is one of the best ways to have fun in NYC.

Like getting soaked in a sprinkler with a school of Kindergarten children. And after being soaked running along side the working class New Yorkers of Manhattan.

Or maybe you spill a chocolate icy on your nose, shirt, shorts, and legs. And this is after returning your custard icy when you realized it contained nuts. (And you are deadly allergic)

Or maybe you scream when the icy freezes your teeth. Loud enough so the lady walking her dogs turns her head in fright.

And then of course you laugh.

You laugh. Laugh. LAUGH.

Maybe you are 13. And need to get into the YMCA, because it's HOT out. And you enter the YMCA but the person working the booth is really tough. You try to sneak in, because your friend is a member. Her name is Say - Ruh. She tells him you are going to get a guest pass upstairs if he will just excuse you...

But no. You need to have an adult. So you spend the next hour searching outside for a parent to pretend to be your mother or father for the purpose of just getting in the building. And without luck, you sit on the ground as a teenage hobo. With a chocolate smudged face, shirt, shorts, and legs, with your friend Say- Ruh.

So you finally get in, and you need to be 14. You are secretly 13. But who cares. What does one year differ?

But when you get on the machienes. You are still an imature 13 year old. Maybe if you were 14 you wouldn't close your eyes while on the tread- mill and manage to fall backwards onto a lady ready to go for a swim. Maybe your friend wouldn't start laughing awfully loud while making witch movements on the bicycle, and cause you to laugh uncontrolably.

But maybe you wouldn't have this fun.

Sleepy's

Trust Sleep's for the rest of your life.

I never really understood that jingle, until recently.

The "rest of your life" meaning, the sleeping time of your life.

OR the REST of your life. Like the remaining time in your life.

Good job who ever invented that jingle! :)

Yea,

Sleepy's is really cool.

I mean you can walk in.

And like try out mattresses.

And usually the attendant is busy and doesn't notice if you take a nap.

I'm sure hobo's do it all the time.

I know I would.

I already do.

Today I took a nap on the king sized bed at sleepy's.

T'was wonderful.

But then the attendant came over

hehh

Abracadabra

I have done the impossible.
Today.
We were in a train. In blackness. Stopped because of traffic. The hobo and me.

I could see the platform before me. But the doors wouldn't open, "This is the last stop." The old man said on the speaker.

The doors didn't budge.

My phone read the numbers 8:08 am.

The hobo started to wake up.

How does the conductor forget to open the door?

OPENNNNNNN.

The hobo started standing up.

OPEN!
OPEN!
OPEN!

I was talking to a door...

and then,
my magical powers came in.
The impossible.
The magical wonders of Lily.

Abracadabra. I said.

And they opened.

Grilled Cheese sandwiches

I have to stop eating.

These.

Sandwiches.

Ever heard of them?

Have you really ever enjoyed one?

The crispy out side. An easy opening. You slide your fingers across the delicious crust. Pull apart one side of the grilled cheese, and the cheese explodes out.

Ahh the joy.

In each beautiful sandwich.

It was probably a bad idea getting a grilled cheese maker.

Yes, grilled cheese lovers.

A grilled.

Cheese.

Maker.

I'm talking crispy, perfect,

absolutely desirable

grilled cheese sandwiches at your finger tips in under, what's that? A minute?

And being me of course, I took advantage.

This is probably my 4th grilled cheese sandwich today. And I'm not even an obese child.

But who can resist this cheese?

Oh cheese.

CHEESE.

I really love it. As many people do.

But see, me... I've got a special case. A special disorder.

Let me tell you, my bones have got to be the strongest in the world for the amount of calcium I intake everyday from CHEESE.

You see, my mom buys it for me. All the time.

She will come home from the food emporium and say, "Oh Lily!! Guess what I've got for you..." Now, a normal human being would most probably expect cookies of some sort, or some nice gold fish, but ahhh not I. No, my mother brings me back a quarter pound cheese for me.

And I enjoy it each and every time.