5.23.2011

Feeding a Bird Blindfolded

Guilt, oh the guilt.

I've felt this guilt for months now and I think it is finally time to express it, to release it, embrace it, and send it out for others to reprimand me for...

I was at the pier, re-reading a book, and eating my sandwich under a tree. It was a chicken teriyaki subway sandwich with chicken (doy!), unions, lettuce, cheese, and peppers in it. Yum yum yum. With the sun on my feet and enough shade for reading, I was quite happy, and could hear little birds chirping above me. As one of them approached me, I obviously wanted to feed it so I took off a little piece of my sandwich and threw it near the bird. The bird picked it up and flew back to its tree.

If you aren't screaming right now I don't think you realize what I did.
Or maybe you don't care about birds...
But let me translate...

I FED A BIRD A PIECE OF CHICKEN.
it's like you feeding your baby another human.

I AM A MONSTER!!

Just in case this poor bird checks my blog:

dear little bird,
I can not express my sadness for you. You have just eaten one of your own. One of the birds that could not fly. That could not escape the humans that domesticated it, killed it, and ate it. All I want you to do is know that I will return the badness on to myself. Tonight I will eat my sisters hand. That's right. I will eat my sisters hand. Get a fire going, add some spices, and I will eat it. This is the only way I can feel the disgust right when you ate the chicken.
Now just a moment... Let's say you have never eaten chicken before (which is hopefully the truth) you couldn't have possibly known what chicken tastes like. So you might have thought you were only eating fruit or something! Unless of course you are extraordinarily bright and can understand English, or understand the concept of how different fruits taste (chicken not tasting like any of them) or can tell by looking at the food what type of animal it is. But if you knew what kind of meat the chicken was by looking at it, you would NOT be able to blame me for feeding you because you willingly ate it! Haha!
Oh little birdie, perhaps I am not to blame.
Or perhaps I do not make sense...
Or perhaps you took the chicken and did not eat it.
Phew!
Yes, that's it you didn't eat the chicken!
But I was looking forward to eating my sisters hand...
Maybe I still will...
Maybe I should stop freaking you out poor little birdie.
Good bye now.
Don't eat food from strangers that are reading and aren't paying attention.
Bye bye now!
I still think you ate it.
- me

25 comments:

  1. With you being a NYCNYer I figured that most certainly you have been on a subway at least once, so did the Subway sandwich taste anything like a NYCNY subway might smell, (or taste?), any part of that system, at all? It has been awhile since I have been there and rode on the subway system so I was not sure, I think it would have been around 1995-ish.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I fed my pet banana a piece of melon the other day. It's kinda the same thing...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my goodness! You crack me up! Wonderful for a laugh:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. haha well I can assure you, you are not a monster :P very funny :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. it was cute..!
    I think you should stop eating non-veg..with this experience of yours..! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. well i was having eggs and a piece of chicken in my plate the other day and somehow i just couldn't carry on eating,i mean what if they are related or something and i'm destroying a happy family lol!! your piece cracked me up

    ReplyDelete
  7. But, it was a bird, not an actual chicken you fed it to.. Unless your subway has been serving up pidgeons as chickens...??

    ReplyDelete
  8. Gran blog, enhorabuena.

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1388418932

    ReplyDelete
  9. God!! what if all people in the world feeding bird a chicken?? that's mean we're all monster....

    anyway, i like this :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. hahahaha!!! It's a fish eat fish so I think you can be forgiven for this tinsy mistake

    ReplyDelete
  11. hahaa - well it probably tasted better than worms! And yeah, fish eat fish, so birds can eat chickens? hehe...

    neonrosefashion@blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. You're hilarious! That is totally something I would have thought of after the fact.
    I bet the birdy forgives you because he/she probably didn't chew before swallowing and therefore did not taste it's fellow fowl. Maybe like when you bite your lip and a piece of skin comes off in your mouth?? No?
    LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I just happened to find your blog and I love it, you are too funny! I look forward to reading more of your stuff. Hopefully you can check out mine and follow along too: www.afragileclayjarwithatreasureinside.blogspot.com

    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  14. This story is hilarious- love the blog! You have a real talent for writing :) Take a look at my blog too if you want: www.blogofalmostaverageteen.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  15. Birds are a big classification, I mean there are loads of different kinds of birds. Like there are loads of kinds of mammals. It's like feeding a mammal to a mammal... say, feeding horsemeat to a dog. And birds eat birds, a sparrowhawk will eat a sparrow.

    That said, I don't think a little bird would naturally eat chicken, so it was probably best to apologise :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. lol watch the Social Network... same situation :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Actually, you probably don't want to know this, but chickens are cannibals. If you raise baby chicks, you have to watch to keep them from pecking each other, because as soon as one has drawn blood they will keep pecking that poor chick until it dies. It's especially dangerous when they're losing the baby fuzz and getting in their feathers. Farm life isn't always as innocent and pastoral as it looks.


    Told you you probably didn't want to know.

    But if it makes you feel better, the bird you fed the chicken to wasn't a chicken, it's possible that it wasn't carnivorous, and it's also possible that it didn't eat the chicken.

    ReplyDelete
  18. que bien, me gustaria leer lo!

    ReplyDelete
  19. My daughter raises chickens in her backyard for the eggs and she feeds them dinner scraps, sometime including chicken. That seems so wrong!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I wouldn't worry- it's actually nothing like feeding a human another human. Birds form a whole class of animals as do mammals. The bird you fed the chicken to (probably a member of the passeriformes) and chickens themselves (galliformes) are from entirely different orders and are not closely related at all. It's just because birds are superficially more similar to one another than mammals that they seem more closely related to each other. It really is no different from you eating beef though. I'm guessing you've eaten lots of other mammals (pigs, cows, sheep etc.) without ever considering yourself a cannibal. Still, funny.

    ReplyDelete

Speak! SPEAK! I'd love to hear what you have to say about this.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...